As leaders, entrepreneurs, and high achievers, it is almost inevitable that we experience moments when we feel guilty. Perhaps it’s the feeling that we haven’t done enough, that we’ve failed to meet someone else’s expectations, or that we’ve taken time for ourselves when we should have been working. This internal voice—this “Part” of us that generates guilt—can be overwhelming. It can make us question our worth, our productivity, and our ability to balance the many demands we face every day.
Guilt can be a tricky emotion. It sneaks up on us when we set boundaries, when we prioritise our own needs, or when we fall short of our own or others’ expectations. We may feel guilty for saying “no,” for resting when we’re tired, or for not achieving as much as we think we “should.” This relentless inner critic can create a downward spiral of self-doubt, leaving us feeling unworthy and disconnected from our own sense of purpose.
But what if we could change the way we relate to guilt? What if we could turn this troublesome emotion into a source of clarity, self-compassion, and confidence? In this article, we’ll explore how the Core Calmfidence® System can help you address the “Part that generates a feeling of guilt” and transform this emotional trigger into a resource for growth and empowerment.
In this article, we will explore how to work with the “Part that generates a feeling of guilt” using the Core Calmfidence® System. By identifying the root causes of these emotions and reframing them with the four foundational pillars of Capital, Clarity, Congruence, and Choice, you can turn your insecurity into inspiration and regain control of your inner world.
Recognise and Honour Your Inner Resources
The first step in transforming guilt is to recognise that the Part generating the guilt stems from a deeper desire to do good and to meet the needs of others. However, this desire often comes at the expense of your own well-being.
Capital, in the Core Calmfidence® System, refers to your inner resources—your strengths, abilities, and intrinsic value. The “Part that generates guilt” often overlooks these resources, focusing instead on perceived shortcomings or what you’ve yet to achieve. To break free from this cycle, it’s crucial to reconnect with your inner capital. By recognising your own worth and the value you bring to the table, you can begin to silence the voice of guilt that tells you you’re not doing enough.
Take time to reflect on your skills, achievements, and what you’ve already contributed to others. This will help you recognise that you are already making a difference.
Focus on the steps you have taken, not just the ones left to take. Guilt often arises when we focus only on what we haven’t done, rather than appreciating what we’ve already accomplished.
Understand that taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is essential. Your energy, creativity, and ability to lead others stem from your own wellbeing. By recognising this, you can see the value in saying “no” when needed, in setting boundaries, and in giving yourself permission to rest.
Understand What Guilt is Really About
Clarity is the second pillar of the Core Calmfidence® System. To address guilt, it’s important to gain clarity on what this emotion is really telling you. Guilt often arises from a conflict between what we think we should be doing and what we actually need in the moment. Understanding the root cause of guilt can help you break free from its hold and take action that aligns with your values and priorities.
Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling guilty? Is it because I’m not meeting someone else’s expectations, or is it because I’m neglecting my own needs?” By clarifying the root cause, you can determine whether your guilt is justified or a product of unrealistic standards. Often, guilt is based on limiting beliefs—such as the idea that you must always be available or that you must always put others’ needs first. Challenge these beliefs by asking yourself if they truly serve you or if they’re based on old patterns of behaviour that no longer align with your current goals. Guilt often arises when we feel that we’ve neglected something important. By clarifying your priorities—whether personal, professional, or both—you can align your actions with what truly matters to you.
Align Your Actions with Your Values
Congruence is about ensuring that your inner beliefs and your outward actions are in alignment. When there is a mismatch between what you believe and what you do, guilt often arises. If your actions are not aligned with your core values, you may feel conflicted, unfulfilled, or like you’re “letting yourself down.”
Take time to identify what truly matters to you. Is it health, relationships, financial freedom, creativity, or something else? When you know your core values, you can make decisions that reflect those values, rather than guilt-driven actions. Guilt often arises when we say “yes” to others at the expense of our own needs. By setting clear, healthy boundaries and sticking to them, you honour your values and take control of your time and energy. When you feel guilt creeping in, ask yourself, “Is this action in alignment with my values and goals?” This question helps you stay on track and reduce guilt by focusing on what truly serves your higher purpose.
Empower Yourself to Decide What’s Best for You
Choice is the final pillar of the Calmfidence® System. It’s about taking ownership of your decisions and recognising that you have the power to choose how you respond to guilt. Instead of letting guilt control you, you can consciously decide how to act in a way that aligns with your values, needs, and goals.
Take responsibility for your decisions: Guilt often arises when we feel like we’ve made the wrong choice. By taking full responsibility for your decisions, you reclaim your power and eliminate feelings of helplessness or self-judgement.
Choose self-compassion: Instead of beating yourself up over perceived mistakes or shortcomings, choose to respond with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself that you are human and that it’s okay to make imperfect choices along the way.
Practice mindful decision-making: In moments of guilt, pause and ask yourself, “What is the best choice for me right now?” This helps you make decisions that align with your highest self, rather than acting from a place of fear or guilt.
By applying the Core Calmfidence® System to your experience with guilt, you can transform this emotion from a source of self-judgement into a powerful tool for personal growth. When you recognise your inner resources, gain clarity on your true priorities, align your actions with your values, and empower yourself to make mindful choices, you can free yourself from the grip of guilt and move forward with confidence and calm.
If you’d like to dive deeper into these principles and learn more about how to transform your inner world, I recommend reading CALMFIDENCE IS THE KEY by Nell Puetter. This book provides valuable insights and actionable strategies for unlocking your inner calm and confidence, helping you navigate the challenges of leadership and entrepreneurship with grace and self-assurance.
Remember, guilt doesn’t define you. You have the power to change how you relate to it and transform it into a force for positive action. Embrace your Calmfidence, and let it guide you toward a life that aligns with your highest purpose.