As an entrepreneur, leader, or high achiever, you are undoubtedly familiar with the highs and lows of the journey. One moment you’re celebrating a victory, and the next, you’re hit with a sense of envy or jealousy towards someone else's success. Instead of feeling genuinely happy for them, you might feel a pang of discomfort, or even resentment, as if their achievements diminish your own.
Envy and jealousy are powerful emotions that many of us try to avoid. They are often viewed as negative feelings, yet they are universal experiences. The key to dealing with these emotions is not to suppress them, but to understand where they stem from and how to transform them into powerful, positive energy that propels you toward your own success.
In this article, we will explore how to work with the “Part that envies and/or feels jealous” using the Core Calmfidence® System. By identifying the root causes of these emotions and reframing them with the four foundational pillars of Capital, Clarity, Congruence, and Choice, you can turn your insecurity into inspiration and regain control of your inner world.
The Hidden Roots of Envy and Jealousy
Envy and jealousy are often mistaken for the same thing, yet they are subtly different emotions. Envy arises when we desire something that someone else has—whether it’s success, wealth, relationships, or achievements. It is a reaction to the feeling of lack: “I don’t have this, but I wish I did.”
Jealousy, on the other hand, is a response to the threat of losing something we already have. This might be the fear of losing a valued relationship, business partnership, or a sense of security. Jealousy often arises when we feel that someone is encroaching on something we believe is “ours.”
Both emotions are, at their core, a reflection of insecurity. They reveal feelings of inadequacy, a lack of self-worth, or the belief that we are not deserving of success. These emotions mask deeper fears: fear of being left behind, fear of not measuring up, and the ever-present Inner Critic that constantly whispers, “You’re not good enough.”
The problem with these feelings is that they trap us in a cycle of comparison. When we focus on what others have, we lose sight of our own path and potential. Instead of feeling motivated by others’ success, we begin to shrink and feel diminished. Envy feeds the Inner Critic, amplifying our sense of unworthiness and sabotaging our ability to move forward with confidence.
Capital – Invest in Your Inner Resources
The first step in transforming envy and jealousy is to recognise your own inner resources. The Part that envies often stems from a belief that you don’t have what it takes to succeed, or that you aren’t worthy of the success you desire. This belief diminishes your sense of personal power and self-worth.
Capital, in the Calmfidence® framework, refers to your inner resources—your talents, strengths, and inherent abilities that allow you to achieve what you set out to do. The first thing to do when faced with envy or jealousy is to reconnect with your own inner capital. This means taking a step back and recognising your unique value. What do you bring to the table that no one else can? What skills or experiences make you different?
One powerful way to tap into your Capital is by creating a “Strengths Inventory.” Write down your skills, past successes, and the qualities that make you unique. This helps you shift the focus from what others have to what you already possess. When you feel envious, return to your inventory as a reminder of your own worth.
Clarity – See What’s Really Going On
Clarity is the second pillar of the Core Calmfidence® System, and it is crucial when dealing with envy or jealousy. Often, these emotions cloud our judgement and prevent us from seeing the bigger picture. We become fixated on what others have, without understanding the full scope of their journey.
Clarity involves gaining a clear understanding of why you feel the way you do. What is it that you really desire? Is it the success, the recognition, or perhaps the freedom that comes with it? Once you gain clarity on what is truly driving your emotions, you can start focusing on your own path instead of fixating on someone else’s journey.
Take a moment to reflect on what you truly want for yourself. Ask yourself:
What am I feeling jealous or envious of, and why?
What do I need to feel more secure and confident in my own life?
How can I reframe this emotion to fuel my own success?
By understanding the root of your envy, you can use it as a guide to realign your goals and priorities.
Congruence – Align Your Inner Beliefs with Your Outer Actions
Congruence is about alignment—ensuring that your internal beliefs and values are in harmony with your external actions. The “Part that envies” often reveals a misalignment between what you believe about yourself and what you are projecting to the world.
When envy arises, it often signals that your beliefs about your own capabilities or worth are out of sync with your actions. You may believe that others are more deserving of success, or that you will never measure up. Congruence requires you to re-align these internal beliefs with the actions that support your goals. The first step is to challenge your limiting beliefs. Is the belief that you are unworthy or incapable true? Where did this belief come from? Once you identify the limiting belief, reframe it with a more empowering thought: “I am worthy of success,” “I have what it takes,” “I am capable of achieving my dreams.”
By embodying this congruence between belief and action, you can begin to overcome the self-doubt that fuels envy and jealousy.
Choice – Take Empowered Action
The final pillar of the Calmfidence® System is Choice. You have the power to choose how you respond to envy and jealousy. Rather than letting these emotions dictate your behaviour, you can choose to use them as a source of motivation and empowerment.
The moment you feel jealousy or envy, pause and choose how you want to respond. Instead of allowing these emotions to lead to self-pity or resentment, decide to use them as fuel for your own growth. What action can you take right now to move closer to your own goals? Can you network, build a new skill, or take on a new project that aligns with your purpose?
By consciously choosing your response, you take control of the narrative and shift your focus from scarcity to abundance. You can see others’ success as a source of inspiration, not as a threat.
Envy and jealousy are natural human emotions, but they don’t have to control you. By using the Core Calmfidence® System—Capital, Clarity, Congruence, and Choice—you can transform these emotions into powerful allies that fuel your personal growth and success.
Remember, envy and jealousy are not signs of weakness; they are simply signals from your inner world, urging you to align your actions with your deepest desires. When you embrace these emotions with awareness and use the four pillars to reframe them, you will find yourself not only more focused and empowered, but also more compassionate and understanding toward others.
For a deeper exploration of how to unlock your Calmfidence and transform your inner world, I recommend reading CALMFIDENCE IS THE KEY by Nell Puetter This book offers invaluable insights and tools to help you master your emotions, overcome self-doubt, and lead with authentic confidence.
You have everything you need within you to succeed. The journey starts now. Choose to transform envy into inspiration and watch your dreams unfold.